This article is kind of an sequel to my earlier article Season of love . I was reading this article recently and I felt I had very strong feelings about it. Reading Karthik's article just confirmed the general state of mind I have been in.
First things first. I absolutely pan my article Season of love. The last two years has certainly made me mature and I frankly feel that the article was largely juvenile and outright silly. My highly contrasting view might be due to the incidents that have unfolded in the past few months or due to me obtaining a more practical outlook to life. Indeed Sachin and Vikram did voice their reservations towards my article and I must frankly agree with them now. Finally the bubble has burst. It is time for me to step out of the silly, romantic, optimistic view of life and change to a more practical view of life.
When I wrote the Season of love article, there was something positive going on in out our lives. To a large extent, all of us had trouble free lives and did not have any major problems in life. All we cared about was having a good time in life and we were full of optimism about the life in front of us. I had the belief then that there was a solution to any given situation or problem. I had myself come out of difficult situations without baring any long term scars. But then we just grew up.
One of my friends who was having a great relationship had to break up with his girl friend due to parental pressure. This is when I realized that there might be no solution to certain problems. The silly optimism with which I thought that most of these relationship will work out, seem to waver a bit. Again I was shaken out of my comfort zone when one of my other friends, a wonderful guy, had a very messy break up with his girl friend. This was definitely not foreseen by me or any of my friends. This was just the beginning though as two of my other friends who were having long distance relationships with their girl friends also had messy breakups because of compatibility issues. Just as an information and not trying to imply anything, in all these cases it was the girls who chose to break up. This was the real eye opener for me (eye opener being that the breakups happened and not that the girls chose to break up). If you had seen any of these relationships you would bet on them of being the "once in a lifetime" long term relationship. Why did this happen? Again we just grew up.
No, Sir, this is not an article about a point of time when all of my friends had just started dating and another point of time when most of them broke up. It is about how the bunch of us matured in this short interval of time and about how our opinions changed in this period. The reason why most of the above breakups happened were because people got more practical. These people realized that the reasons they had based their relationships on were not as concrete as they had earlier perceived. From a state of taking our relationships for granted, we had moved on to realize that any relationship requires time and effort to evolve and develop. It was also a case of people growing apart instead of growing together. Anybody who assumes that two individuals do not change over any given length of time is making a huge mistake. The most important thing is to be aware of the other persons current state of mind, feelings, aspirations and the works, but it is not as easy as it sounds.
Moving away from the topic of love or relationships totally, let us focus on the general day to day life as we grow up. It is more than obvious that complications increase exponentially as you start growing up. What's the main reason for these complications? EGO. Yes, Sir, whether you agree or not, all of us tend to grow this big ego inside us as we grow up. All of a sudden your pride and self respect is more important to you than having a good relationship. Think about it, did you care if someone abused you when you were a kid? You would fret for a day and then make up the very next day. Why is it so difficult to do that when we grow up? Haven't you felt that you have had greater number of misunderstandings now rather than when you were growing up as a kid.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that the adult life is screwed up in more than a few ways. There are far more issues which are so complicated that there are no easy solutions to them. What is the way out of it? In my humble opinion I think there is a solution. Along with maturing with age to obtain heightened sensitivity to things, we also need to retain the humility of a child. Having limited ego is very important for any relationship to progress. Also it is paramount to develop a practical outlook to life as early as possible. But again these are the incidents (breakups and other hiccups in a relationship) that make us mature and make us more practical in life.
Now I return to the title again. "Season of Realism". Yes, as the title suggest we have all matured as a group of people and today we stand at the cusp of adulthood. Still having the exuberance of youth but with quite a bit of realism thrown in. I think most of us can claim to make better decisions now than we did two years ago. Hopefully whatever the path we take, we will all find long term happiness in our lives. I have learnt to be more practical when it comes to perceiving a relationship. I now understand that it is just not enough that two people are "good" for a relationship to work. There is much more to it and the answer is gray not black and white. I also understand that it is better to get out of a messy relationship instead of trying to make it work no matter what happens.
PS: I have tried to avoid any pointed reference to anyone in this article. I apologize if I have offended anyone. Also there are quite a few of those relationships mentioned in Season of love still going strong. Not all of them collapsed. I am one of the lucky few to be still involved with the love of my life.
First things first. I absolutely pan my article Season of love. The last two years has certainly made me mature and I frankly feel that the article was largely juvenile and outright silly. My highly contrasting view might be due to the incidents that have unfolded in the past few months or due to me obtaining a more practical outlook to life. Indeed Sachin and Vikram did voice their reservations towards my article and I must frankly agree with them now. Finally the bubble has burst. It is time for me to step out of the silly, romantic, optimistic view of life and change to a more practical view of life.
When I wrote the Season of love article, there was something positive going on in out our lives. To a large extent, all of us had trouble free lives and did not have any major problems in life. All we cared about was having a good time in life and we were full of optimism about the life in front of us. I had the belief then that there was a solution to any given situation or problem. I had myself come out of difficult situations without baring any long term scars. But then we just grew up.
One of my friends who was having a great relationship had to break up with his girl friend due to parental pressure. This is when I realized that there might be no solution to certain problems. The silly optimism with which I thought that most of these relationship will work out, seem to waver a bit. Again I was shaken out of my comfort zone when one of my other friends, a wonderful guy, had a very messy break up with his girl friend. This was definitely not foreseen by me or any of my friends. This was just the beginning though as two of my other friends who were having long distance relationships with their girl friends also had messy breakups because of compatibility issues. Just as an information and not trying to imply anything, in all these cases it was the girls who chose to break up. This was the real eye opener for me (eye opener being that the breakups happened and not that the girls chose to break up). If you had seen any of these relationships you would bet on them of being the "once in a lifetime" long term relationship. Why did this happen? Again we just grew up.
No, Sir, this is not an article about a point of time when all of my friends had just started dating and another point of time when most of them broke up. It is about how the bunch of us matured in this short interval of time and about how our opinions changed in this period. The reason why most of the above breakups happened were because people got more practical. These people realized that the reasons they had based their relationships on were not as concrete as they had earlier perceived. From a state of taking our relationships for granted, we had moved on to realize that any relationship requires time and effort to evolve and develop. It was also a case of people growing apart instead of growing together. Anybody who assumes that two individuals do not change over any given length of time is making a huge mistake. The most important thing is to be aware of the other persons current state of mind, feelings, aspirations and the works, but it is not as easy as it sounds.
Moving away from the topic of love or relationships totally, let us focus on the general day to day life as we grow up. It is more than obvious that complications increase exponentially as you start growing up. What's the main reason for these complications? EGO. Yes, Sir, whether you agree or not, all of us tend to grow this big ego inside us as we grow up. All of a sudden your pride and self respect is more important to you than having a good relationship. Think about it, did you care if someone abused you when you were a kid? You would fret for a day and then make up the very next day. Why is it so difficult to do that when we grow up? Haven't you felt that you have had greater number of misunderstandings now rather than when you were growing up as a kid.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that the adult life is screwed up in more than a few ways. There are far more issues which are so complicated that there are no easy solutions to them. What is the way out of it? In my humble opinion I think there is a solution. Along with maturing with age to obtain heightened sensitivity to things, we also need to retain the humility of a child. Having limited ego is very important for any relationship to progress. Also it is paramount to develop a practical outlook to life as early as possible. But again these are the incidents (breakups and other hiccups in a relationship) that make us mature and make us more practical in life.
Now I return to the title again. "Season of Realism". Yes, as the title suggest we have all matured as a group of people and today we stand at the cusp of adulthood. Still having the exuberance of youth but with quite a bit of realism thrown in. I think most of us can claim to make better decisions now than we did two years ago. Hopefully whatever the path we take, we will all find long term happiness in our lives. I have learnt to be more practical when it comes to perceiving a relationship. I now understand that it is just not enough that two people are "good" for a relationship to work. There is much more to it and the answer is gray not black and white. I also understand that it is better to get out of a messy relationship instead of trying to make it work no matter what happens.
PS: I have tried to avoid any pointed reference to anyone in this article. I apologize if I have offended anyone. Also there are quite a few of those relationships mentioned in Season of love still going strong. Not all of them collapsed. I am one of the lucky few to be still involved with the love of my life.
9 comments:
Yes everyone knows about you and vinay...
its a sad journey indeed from season of love to season of realism
Yes indeed. I agree with all you say. I guess most of the problems of growing up is because we curb our instincts and try to be what we are expected to. I am/was a victim of the same. I guess one who gets rid of this finds happiness. Thats because after all we are animals- and to all animals freedom (mental and physical) means happiness.
As for the relationships part, I realized that to understand something well you have to see it from inside and outside. After I broke up was when I truly realized what my love meant to me. About the fights- well they will always be there. I have seen my parents bicker, but they never broke up. Coz you are in lasting love when no matter how much you argue and hate some of your partners qualities, you cant do without him/her.
I agree with that. Fights are always going to be there. What you do or feel about such fights is what matters?
Nice article kano. Certainly you are growing even as you are writing this !!!
Its a very well written blog. Loved reading it. There are aspects of it that I tend to disagree (or maybe my opinions are more strongly formed). Ego may not necessarily be the main problem, its how we let it affect us and other factors that are the deciding factor.
You've picked a contentious topic, I dare say. But its well written.
I'm sure our perceptions of relationships and commitments are bound to change (and mature) in the comming years.
Esh.
Yes Chetan your right at many places, I have seen you through these two years and have seen you grow so mature.
There are many levels of maturity and I see that your now having very meaningful insights into life.
I want to add that,even when I agree that everything can't be romanticized and seen as a rosy picture.We need a wise blend of realism and dreamy aspirations. This is what gives us the spark to brighten up and look forward to something when things seem leaden.
Keep it going mate...
I would blame on lack of endurance and patience!! Hee hee, but then I'm a cynic..
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